"The perception of beauty is a moral test."
-Henry David Thoreau
Friday, September 26, 2008
How does one describe the indescribable?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Searching for Infinity
Identities float through my brain, the mysteries of the universe almost within my grasp. Those subtle truths so concrete in abstract thought will perhaps one day come to life, taking on personalities of their own, limiting one another's functional domains in order to coexist in mathematical harmony. But until then they offer no respite to my thoughts. Picking up my pencil now, for a moment I find clarity in the idea of infinity. I see a glimpse of its possibilities, of its purpose and meaning, just long enough to calculate my limits. I know there's some hidden beauty in what it does. But before I am able to put word to thought, it evades my grasp entirely and rushes off into the wild brambles of the ethereal world of calculus.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
A Curious Happenstance of Life
"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."
-Buddha
To forgive and forget.
To forget to forgive.
To forgive and never forget.
As emotional, irrational human beings, we tend to get angry or irritated over really stupid things. Why we do this is for some other post. Right now, I'm musing on what we do after the initial emotions have played out, and we're left looking back on the moment. Do we truly forgive and forget the slight, as if it suddenly meant nothing to us? Do we tend to get so caught up in what we think is righteous anger that when it's played out we forget to forgive someone and release both of us from the travesty. Or do we forgive and secretly never forget what has happened to us, keeping it in the back of your mind for years to come? Somehow, all of these seem to ring slightly selfish to me in the grand scheme of life.
You see, I think in reality, we all wish we never had to forgive someone. That the people we know would never irk us, piss us off, or make us so incredibly frustrated that we shut ourselves down when we're together. We wish they could hold incredible understanding, empathy, patience, caring, and maturity in the palm of their hands while they spoke to you and acted around you. We may not wish they were perfect, but we do wish they would try harder toward perfection.
What it comes down to is that we rarely forgive people, sincerely forgive them, for the wrongs that hit closest to the ego and the heart, the things that matter the most to us. And we don't easily forget such things either. Instead, we build them up in the back of our minds, until one day they boil over with repression.
No one's perfect, we all know the cliche, time worn, slightly annoying expression. But we almost use it as an excuse now, used to let people off the hook. Obviously, going around judging people and holding all their flaws against them isn't the way to go, but there are such things as accountability, maturity, and common courtesy that everyone is expected to have. It's another one of those damnable balancing acts that makes living a peaceful life something you strive for for your entire existence, if that's your thing.
In sincerity, I don't know what message I'm trying to leave my readers. I put almost as much energy into trying not to hold grudges and getting pissy with people as I might use if I did hold those grudges and let my singular irritations with the world affect the way I treat people. In the end, it's anyone's guess what we should or should not do with our lives and emotions. It all comes down to trial and error. Hopefully we survive the social and physical tests that go askew, and find that solid and irrefutable truth within such an experience. More like then not, we won't, and we'll go about living comfortably sheltered by our happy ignorance of the shittier side of life.
To forget to forgive.
To forgive and never forget.
As emotional, irrational human beings, we tend to get angry or irritated over really stupid things. Why we do this is for some other post. Right now, I'm musing on what we do after the initial emotions have played out, and we're left looking back on the moment. Do we truly forgive and forget the slight, as if it suddenly meant nothing to us? Do we tend to get so caught up in what we think is righteous anger that when it's played out we forget to forgive someone and release both of us from the travesty. Or do we forgive and secretly never forget what has happened to us, keeping it in the back of your mind for years to come? Somehow, all of these seem to ring slightly selfish to me in the grand scheme of life.
You see, I think in reality, we all wish we never had to forgive someone. That the people we know would never irk us, piss us off, or make us so incredibly frustrated that we shut ourselves down when we're together. We wish they could hold incredible understanding, empathy, patience, caring, and maturity in the palm of their hands while they spoke to you and acted around you. We may not wish they were perfect, but we do wish they would try harder toward perfection.
What it comes down to is that we rarely forgive people, sincerely forgive them, for the wrongs that hit closest to the ego and the heart, the things that matter the most to us. And we don't easily forget such things either. Instead, we build them up in the back of our minds, until one day they boil over with repression.
No one's perfect, we all know the cliche, time worn, slightly annoying expression. But we almost use it as an excuse now, used to let people off the hook. Obviously, going around judging people and holding all their flaws against them isn't the way to go, but there are such things as accountability, maturity, and common courtesy that everyone is expected to have. It's another one of those damnable balancing acts that makes living a peaceful life something you strive for for your entire existence, if that's your thing.
In sincerity, I don't know what message I'm trying to leave my readers. I put almost as much energy into trying not to hold grudges and getting pissy with people as I might use if I did hold those grudges and let my singular irritations with the world affect the way I treat people. In the end, it's anyone's guess what we should or should not do with our lives and emotions. It all comes down to trial and error. Hopefully we survive the social and physical tests that go askew, and find that solid and irrefutable truth within such an experience. More like then not, we won't, and we'll go about living comfortably sheltered by our happy ignorance of the shittier side of life.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Algae, Brain Matter, and the French
"He kept a piece of algae behind his ear to remind him of his roots. A million years ago every place was a little place by the sea, he would say and my mind would go blank and I would swim through the day without a care in the world and it all seemed so familiar that I knew I would go back someday to my own little place by the sea."
- Brian Andreas (perhaps...not entirely certain about that one)
It's one of those nights again. I'm tired but I don't want to go to bed just yet. I want to ponder and let my mind wander without sleep closing in around me. I'd like to just let everything fall from my mind onto this page and let it air out for the night before replacing it neatly back into my brain. Alas, this is not the place to put my thoughts on record for all to see. So I'll let Amelie play out to its end and go to sleep before something too exciting happens.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Staying in Step
"I know you're wise beyond your years
But do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie
You tell yourself to help you get by?"
- Clark Gable, Postal Service
Standing on the edge of another semester of school and I'm filled with the overwhelming sense of being swept up into a perpetual dance of academia and college life. And, god damn it, I'm determined to not mess up this semester. But as the semester wares on, not tripping over your feet because more difficult with each passing week. Things speed up and get complicated. I get flustered. I forget how to keep that very important balance between obligations and having fun. And then, before I know it, I'm sitting in a corner, frustrated and pissed off, and the world spins madly on around me. It's funny- when you're prepared for that whirlwind of situations it seems to just float around you, gracefully picking you up in all of its worried anxious energy and passing you off to the next waiting challenge. But when you're outside of it all, looking in, all you see is a chaotic mess. I suppose the strategy is to revel in the chaos of life, rather than try to fight it.
So, here's my advice to my readers: when you feel yourself getting overwhelmed this semester, just remember to breath deep calming breathes, accept that life will always contain some form of stress and then take it one step at a time. Find the balance between getting caught up in the moment and planning for the future. Sometimes we can't avoid the rough patches, but think of how lucky you are to actually have the option to avoid it or not. You are all intelligent people. Just don't panic and work yourself into a tizzy.
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