The Perplexity of Happiness

"The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the
more I will respect myself."
-Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

No one thought to mention the perplexity of being happy, the way, unbidden, the mind will float away from time to time and rest lightly from one contented thought to another, making concentration difficult. It can dull our survival senses, blanket our ability to see the hard truth of a situation and ruin our abilitiy to make cold analytical decisions. But for most of us, finding and keeping happiness in our lives is survival. We live our lives for those happy moments, seeking them in companionship and purposeful work. Yet Proust said that happiness only serves to make unhappiness a possibility, and Bronte seemed convinced that living a lonely life was the only way to find self respect. Do we hide behind happiness to avoid confronting our personal faults? Do we perpetuate our despair by seeking the allusive blue bird of happiness? Probably. There is reason in those depressing vitriolic prose. But really, who wants to live their life constantly aware of every pain and sorrow, fault and mistake of the world and themselves? Why beat up on something as genuine and sincere as true contented happiness when so few people find it in life? Why must we pull others down when we are miserable and insecure? We can be a sad species sometimes.

On the Eve of Academic Battle

So I'm back and really unmotivated to blog. I think I might go on a blogging hiatus. The Galapagos were bad ass, I might post pictures, most likely I'll flickr them. If you'd like to hear me ramble off an awestruck and reverent account of my days island hopping Darwin style, come to dinner this monday night. If that's not a possibility, you could take the time to send me a message via some form of communication. I like letters.

Other than that, school starts tomorrow, in all it's stressful glory - excelling despite the hardships of living on campus, going beyond the call of duty with productive procrastination, and above all, surpassing even my own expectations of general denial about school work. Not to mention awesome nerd classes and nerdy extracurricular activities.

On my ending note, my mom bought me Alice in Wonderland mugs that no one has seen yet, I've spent the majority of my time in Nicole and Annie's room, and I've finished knitting Annie's hat. It's really cool, if Annie's not looking, I can show it to you.

This is going to be a good year.

The Euphoria of Before

"“Islands are havens and breeding grounds for the unique and anomalous. They are natural laboratories of extravagant evolutionary experimentation.”

David Quammen

I begin my journey to the Galapagos tomorrow, and as usual, I have yet to square all of my business in the states away, but I'll likely be up most of the night in euphoric excitement so there's always time. Some may think that this is just more of my general brand of procrastination. To me, however, it's part of the ritual of traveling. What's the point in having everything ready to go hours before you're even thinking about going to sleep? I find comfort in the piles of clothes stacked around me on my bed, waiting to be put into a suitcase or designated to a basket. Not having my bag packed before 7 pm just keeps my hands busy and my mind focused, or else I'd probably be a twitching mass of excitement at the prospect of this trip. To be honest, I'm still in shock that I'm going to be touring the freaking Galapagos. I'm going to be on a boat in the south Pacific for ten days and all I'm required to do is immerse myself in a natural wonder and enjoy myself. I think I kind of want to weep with happiness just at the mere thought of it.

Anyways, I just wanted to happily say farewell to everyone for now, as I'll have the decadent luxury of not having nor needing the internet where I'm traveling. The next time I'll talk to most of you will be in person, which is just another barrel of excitement only eclipsed by my imminent departure. Until then, have as much carefree fun in these last weeks of summer vacation as you can.

Born to Gaze into Night Skies

I feel like taking a walk tonight. Tonight being 1:14 in the A.M. The air's just the right temperature, it's a bit muggy, but not stifling, the sky's clear, and I'm contemplative enough that I can ignore the fact that as a young female walking alone at night, I'm a target for all sorts of trouble. I won't, mainly because there was a recent mugging involving a gun just around the corner, partially because this kind of walking necessitates someone to walk with, and also because I can sit on my small backdoor stoop next to the small tabletop garden and get a somewhat similar experience.



Things I wish to make when I have the time and resources:

Peaches and Cream
Homemade Pizza
Fresh French Bread
Lentil Soup
French Onion Soup
Banana Bread
Hummus
Cornbread Chicken
Sun Tea

"Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love."

-Wally Lamb